Before I was like a mirror. Whoever would stand in front of me I would show them their own reflection; their attitudes, their likes, their dislikes were all portrayed back to them. Who doesn’t like a person who seems so similar to them right? Everyone loved “me” but I didn’t know who the real “me” was. I held on to some facets of my personality, things that I knew were generally liked by everyone, but otherwise I truly had no identity. I was just a name. Just a body.
How true is the statement of Ibn al-Jawzee (رحمه الله):
“The nature of character is like a thief, if a person leaves his nature with the people of his time, his nature will steal from theirs and he will become like them…” [Talbees Iblees]
I stole from the character of the people around me until I lost myself in the process. It’s a dangerous place to be in; when you are lost among the masses of people, while seeming to be normal and happy, but inside your soul is charred black. Nothing remains except a few traces of who you once were and even those are only apparent at rare occasions.
Then something happened. By the mercy of Allaah, the mirror I placed in front of me was shattered. I was forced to ‘choose a lane’ as they say. I chose one. Allaah guided me to it and had He not I would still be lost.
“…and we would never have been guided if Allaah had not guided us…” [Surah al-Araf: 43]
I would still be the girl with no identity, hidden behind a polished mirror, shining before those who stood before it.
Alhamdulillah for the mercy of Allaah upon His slaves.